One of our favorite of Weston’s sayings when he was younger was “Yer not da boss a me”. Though he was only a toddler, he said this statement with conviction. He was never a defiant child. So when he would respond to a simple command with this comeback, it always made us laugh.
During my daily workout, Weston’s famous expression popped into my head. I feel a little crazy during those 20-30 minutes every day – like a prisoner, unable to do what I want or go where I want. My hands and mind always need to be busy, so this exercise crap is a challenge.
My elliptical machine has a display monitor depicting a pace coach next to a bar graph showing my pace compared to his pace. He is what George calls a “shadow man”, like the lifesize, black, plywood cutouts that some people use in Vermont as lawn decorations. He stands on my display monitor with his hands on his hips, looking forward, expressionless. He’s unnerving!! No matter how fast my stride – he looks the same. Never pleased or encouraging – just silent and motionless. It’s an antagonistic pose. I hate him! Just once I wish he would smile, clap, raise his hands in the air or say “good job”. The figure on the left is supposed to be me and the arrow above my head is the pace coach’s way of saying “go faster, turtle girl!”
I started a new pre-programmed 20-minute workout routine a few days ago. I call it “Sunrise Mountain” – my nemesis from logging! It’s far more challenging than the routine I started with. For eight minutes I stride toward the peak of Sunrise Mountain with the resistance increasing steadily during the whole climb. At the 8-minute mark it jumps to a peak of SEVEN and instantly my pace drops and I struggle to maintain a speed of 1.7 mph! For another three minutes I continue at that excruciating resistance level until I start coming down the other side of Sunrise Mountain. The arrow is always over my head during this portion of the simulated terrain. My pace coach stands there, glaring at me, with his hands on his hips showing me how fast I should be going. It pisses me off!!!
I started getting really mad at my pace coach today. I’ve improved so much and my stamina has increased every day. So in my temporary state of madness, I was kind of screaming in my head, “You’re not very encouraging!! You have nothing nice to say. You just stand there and look at me – even when I’m doing really well!!” I didn’t like that I was below my desired pace. I’m competitive, remember? And my pace coach puts that little arrow above my head, like he thinks I’m illiterate too. With that little obnoxious symbol, he tells me to pick up the pace. He’s infuriating!
So, during this fit of mine, I remembered Weston’s words and yelled at my pace coach (in my head – because I haven’t completely lost my mind, YET!), “Yer not da boss a me!!!” It gave me great satisfaction. And then I started thinking about the fat bitch right behind me and I yelled at her too (in my head), “Yer not da boss a me eeder!!!” I felt empowered. I didn’t need their encouraging words. I had the Jock Jams cheerleaders cheering me on. Singing….. “WHOOMP! I like to move it, move it, Give it up, girl!” and “Stomp your feet if you like my beat, I like it, I like it like that.” Yep, a little duct tape or paint will get rid of that stone-faced man on my display.
I’ve been feeling great. Like I am conquering the beast. I’ve got a long way before I reach the finish line, but I know I’m winning. George has been so supportive and proud. After a workout a few days ago, I joined him on the deck to cool off. I raised my arm and asked him if he wanted to smell success. He actually leaned into my armpit to take a whiff (that’s love!). I quickly pulled away and told him I was joking. I can’t believe he was going to do that!! God, I love him!!
On Thanksgiving I ate moderately and even had some pie. But immediately after my pie, I started a 24-hour fast. I talked with Shawn about my dieting and exercise routine. He shared a lot of what he’s learned and showed me several websites with great information. When I jokingly mentioned that I could eliminate as many calories by fasting one day each week, he told me about “intermittent fasting”. I looked it up and decided to try it after my pie. It wasn’t punishment, because my efforts have been steadfast. I am in control and it’s a great feeling!
Day eighteen and I’m going strong!!! Hooray for me!! Or as they say on Jock Jams, “It’s Awesome Baby!!”